why horizontal stripes?

I can not remember the exact moment when I was told that horizontal stripes "made me look fat." However, I do remember my mother reminding me a couple times that they were not “flattering.” Like many young girls, the knowledge that horizontal stripes made us look “wide," was just one of the fashion rules that we learned throughout our lives that aimed to make us smaller, thinner, and ultimately, more appealing to men.

When I was sixteen, I acquired an old t-shirt of my dad’s. It was yellow with small, green, horizontal stripes. It started off as a pajama shirt, but I slowly began wearing it during the day with various outfits. Every time I would put it on and look in the mirror, a voice in my head whispered, “you can’t wear this, remember… it makes you look fat.” I even hated the color of the shirt; it was the only yellow clothing item I owned.

However, for some reason, I loved it. I absolutely loved the shirt. I loved that the fabric draped loosely over my body and the green collar rested on my collar bones. I loved how the color made my hair shine. This feeling of comfort and confidence is what fashion has always been about to me: looking at my closet and asking, "what makes me feel good?" 

My relationship to fashion has mostly (except middle school... what a terrible time) been about desiring to wear what I want, regardless of the rules put in front of me. When my parents wanted me to wear fancy clothes, I wanted to wear jeans; when I was asked to wear a skirt, I wanted to wear shorts; when everyone around me in high school was wearing skinny jeans and a tank top, fuck it, I wore overalls (I overheard some folks referring to me as the “overall girl” a few times).

It was not always easy to be branded as "different." I remember walking in to a classroom the first week of 9th grade and hearing a "popular" girl whisper (loudly enough for everyone to hear) “what is that hat?! omg look at her hat!!” Her reaction was in response to my bold choice of the day: a costume straw sunhat with fake sunflowers on the brim. I thought I looked dope...that didn't matter once I heard her whisper. I was so embarrassed that I took my hat off. 

It is important to note that I never chose my clothes because they were different. Rather, I wore them despite their difference. My aim was not, and still is not, to shock or draw attention to myself. Instead, each day I try and push aside what we have been told is “flattering” or not, “weird” or not, "appropriate" or not, and truly wear what I feel DOPE in. 

I will wear a sunhat if I want to, thanks.

& goddamnit...I will rock those horizontal stripes.